Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
