im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
