i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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