Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
