TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
