found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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