if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize