just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
