you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
