Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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