She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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