I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
