i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
