I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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