flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So vagazzling was a success
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
