would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
