"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
