You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
