He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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