after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
