She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
