Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize