I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
