I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
