i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
