And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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