He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
