Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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