I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
