I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
