i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
