Don't make out with my wife yet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
