is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
