I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
