I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
