They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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