I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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