What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
