Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
