I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
