Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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