Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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