Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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