Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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