Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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