seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
