oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
