the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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