YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
