yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
