I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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