i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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