dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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