Christians are straight up FREAKS
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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