i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
