listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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