If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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