Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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