I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
