you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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