just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
