just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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