He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
