hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm really into asian looking animals
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
