I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
