i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
