Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
