it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
