well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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