so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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