Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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